What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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