it was like his penis was on wheels.
In America we eat man semen.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
