So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
