Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
