Don't you send me to vm
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
