the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
nutella sex= disaster
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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