Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
