Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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