Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
