going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
