those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
