You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
