just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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