I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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