An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
