she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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