How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
