saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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