the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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