He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i came on her dog
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
