not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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