i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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