woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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