At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
