so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
