Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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