OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
