at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
