i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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