I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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