I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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