yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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