hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
