there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you will always have a special place in my vag
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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