it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
