READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
