haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
