I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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