I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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