I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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