eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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