you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
