You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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