Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
