i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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