I got chris browned last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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