...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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