we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
