she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
