What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
